my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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