Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
