He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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