I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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