dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
