your parents love me but you hate me
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
