its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
