i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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