forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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