Yo dont text me then not text me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
