I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
