Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
