I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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