Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
