so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
even my farts smell like vagina
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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