My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
