just tell him i said nine months
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
