i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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