cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
