There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
