i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
