why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
