Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
