I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
