Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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