anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
