loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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