yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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