She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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