I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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