My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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