her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
