I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
