I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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