Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
