god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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