It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I need moral support for this bender
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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