I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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