i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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