My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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