Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
lets start a swedish sibling band together
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
