Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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