Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
