Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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