He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
