I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
