Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
