Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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