TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
