I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize